it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize