I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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