get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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