im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is my gift to your gina
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
