there was a trapeze. enough said
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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