Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
operation harelip BJ is a go
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
