I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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