So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
