How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
