I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
