saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
