K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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