quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
