Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
