3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
