He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
