made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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