I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
