I wish I could teleport
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
