I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
