i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
