I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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