If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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