Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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(818): View more from California

I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

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(310): View more from California

LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.

(310): View more from California

And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.

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(720): View more from Colorado

yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.

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(815): View more from Illinois

My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle

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(858): View more from California

Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy

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