There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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