I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
