Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
