Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
