If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
