I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
