I'm so fucking centered right now
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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