Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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