she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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