so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
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I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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