My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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