thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't turn off my feet"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
