so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
