I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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