I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
