he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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