the condom got lost in my hair
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
