I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
