At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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