they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
