This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
