it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated