I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.