I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.