My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.