One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.