First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??