You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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