I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
