Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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