Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
