you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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