I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
pray to the hookup gods
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
