She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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