i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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