Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
