and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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