maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Im part way to drunk.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
