Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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