just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
