i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
