i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
