I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
