Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
