just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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