He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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