i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
